Fools of us All - Chapter 21

“There’s my girl!” A giant of a man strode across the room, lifting me into the air, swinging me around in dizzying circles.

“Daddy?” This seemed wrong somehow.

“You are getting so big,” he said, holding me easily in his muscled arms. “Soon I won’t be able to lift you anymore.”

I buried my head against his neck beneath his head, inhaling his musky scent, the aroma of Old Spice mixed with construction sites. He had smelled that way for as long as I could remember. Tears began to stream down my face.

“I know, dear. I miss him too.” My mom held me close, her own tears running down her face to drip onto my cheeks, mingling with my own.

I jerked back, looking at her. “No. I just saw him.” I could not believe what I was seeing. “He can’t be dead.” I stared into her eyes, seeing the pain and sorrow that was there. Stumbling back, I turned and ran out of the bedroom.

The sound of my feet slapping against the pavement echoed loudly in the night. My apartment was no longer mine. I was living on the street, running for my life from my attackers. Three men had surprised me as I tried to sleep in an alley, and I had only barely managed to get away. Their voices came from further away with every step. I ducked into another alley, running a meandering path through the streets until I found myself completely alone. I sat down, hugging my knees to my chest. I wanted to sleep, but was too frightened. What had my life become?

Dun put his hand on my shoulder, rousing me from my nap. The room was familiar, full of computer screens. Dar sat in the corner at his desk. He smiled at me and gave a small wave before turning back to his work. I looked up at Dun, and could only shudder. Why was this place not more comfortable? This was my home.

Without warning, everything started to fade into darkness. A darkness that threatened to engulf me completely.

Thunderfunk the Superchicken - Chapter 20

Montage-ular

All over the world, Thunderfunk the Superchicken and Straw Daq travelled, facing the heroes that were planning on banding together to stop them. In Russia they fought a woman with cold temperature related powers, defeating her by luring her into a sauna where she melted (only a little). They left her unconscious on the floor, the heat cranked up full. Straw made an excuse to run back for a moment, slapped a power neutraliser on her head and shut off the sauna. He then stitched up his own cuts he got from fighting her polar bear.

In Mozambique they fought a man able to control trees by tricking him into facing them in the desert where there were no trees. The plan worked out well once they got away from the cacti as well. Straw spent a few hours picking needles out of his tender areas, and bandaging up cuts obtained from the hero’s bird as it attacked him. Fortunately for them, instead of joining the hero in the desert, the bird had migrated instead, which was odd because eagles don’t usually migrate. Or live in Mozambique for that matter.

In Egypt they battled a reincarnated Pharaoh (aka, a mummy) out to make restitution for the evil he had committed when he was alive the first time, as well as his cat, which was less benevolent than his master, leaving Straw covered in claw marks. Fortunately for him, while Thunder was unravelling the mummy, the cat suddenly decided that it was time for a nap. Not one to look a gift horse in the mouth, Straw ran away to patch himself up. He considered kicking the cat, but didn’t want to risk waking it.

In Sweden they encountered a woman who was able to spontaneously generate meatballs and fire them at her foes. She was followed everywhere by an electric eel that flew and did not need to live in water, thus making her animal much more dangerous than her. Thunder dispatched of the woman by punching her once in the jaw. Straw dispatched of the eel by letting it shock him until it ran out of power and then collapsing on it, knocking it unconscious. When he awoke, he spent some time applying salves onto his burns.

They continued on in this fashion as they fought nine more foes in every corner of the world until they finally ended in Pennsylvania, where they battled the final hero: a man made of chocolate and able to shoot deadly streams of chocolate from his hands. Straw, glad to not be fighting an animal sidekick for once, got hit with a wayward blast of chocolate and was promptly mauled by a group of dogs who wanted to lick the chocolate that their owners usually denied them.

Later, Thunder stood by Straw’s hospital bed. “Get well soon, Straw,” he said. “But rest easy now. I go to confront mine mortal enemy - First Lieutenant Awesomepants, and from this battle, only one will emerge.” Clucking evilly, he left the room to make preparations.

Straw raised his head weakly. “What?” he muttered before falling back asleep. It had been a rough couple of weeks.

Fools of us All - Chapter Christmas

Two people lay on the floor of a burned out building, each one curled into a tight ball under a jacket in a vain attempt to ward off the cool air of the night. Their eyes were closed, their breathing steady and deep, but the dreams they dreamed were neither restful nor merry.

Spin looked around, remembering the sights and sounds of the season. The tree in the living room, stretching to the ceiling, festive decorations adorning the sweet smelling pine branches. A toy train was set up, chugging away merrily around the tree, circling presents festooned with cheerful bows, almost as though it were guarding the gifts. The aroma of cookies filled the air, Santas waiting to be coloured with red and white icing, gingerbread men smiling happily on the cookie sheet. Tomorrow would be the turkey and mashed potatoes and pie and other things that Spin didn’t really care about. Everything was as he remembered.

Only, no one was around. He listened carefully, but the entire house was silent save for the noise of tiny wheels on tiny tracks around the tree. Slowly he made his way into the kitchen, but the cookies that should have been there were not. There were no crumbs, no bowls of icing, no thawing turkey, nothing. Even the pleasant smell of baking dissipated as he entered the room, leaving behind the scent of burnt food.

He made his way from room to room, moving faster with each empty room he found. Soon he found himself back in the living room, and now the tree had changed. The needles were all brown and half had fallen to the ground. The decorations lay scattered across the floor, many of them broken. The train, run on batteries, lay on its side, the wheels moving with a laboured slowness as the power ran down, the sound seeming pathetic in the sudden darkness.

Spin fell to the floor and began to cry, feeling like a child lost in the supermarket, wishing for his mother. Instead he was alone. All alone…

He woke suddenly, jumping to his feet and looking around in a panic, convinced that his horrible dream had come true. It took some time for him to remember where he was…when he was. Sitting down carefully so as not to disturb his companion, he leaned against a wall, relieved that it had only been a dream, but still disturbed all the same. He looked down at Caz, at the frown that seemed permanently etched onto her features, wishing there was something he could do. He wondered what she was dreaming.

Had he seen those dreams, he would have been less than happy…

Thunderfunk the Superchicken - Chapter Christmas

Okay I lied. The Montage Will Be Next Week. Promise.

Thunderfunk yawned, stretching in his bed. These late night fights were tough on a person. He scratched his head, or tried to. Something besides his own feathered scalp was on his head. He felt around for a second, trying to identify what was there. Finally he plucked the thing off and brought it to eye level.

It was furry and conical. The colouring was red for the most part, though around the large opening it was rimmed with white, and there was a white poof on the pointy end. It was, in short, a Santa hat. What am I doing wearing a Santa hat? wondered Thunder. He swung his legs around so he was now sitting on the edge of the bed. Still holding the hat in one hand he absentmindedly scratched his belly with his other hand, slipping it between the buttons on the giant red coat he was wearing. The giant red coat he had never seen before in his life. He bolted to his feet and rushed to the bathroom, dreading what he might see.

Throwing on the light, he looked at his reflection in mute horror. Somehow, during the night, he had been dressed in a Santa costume, complete with a beard (and if you have never seen a chicken with a beard, then you are missing out). Angered and somewhat disgusted, he grabbed the beard and ripped it off, determined to find out who had done this to him.

When a person has a long beard, it is possible to do some damage to said person by grabbing his facial hair and pulling, giving one the ability to yank their head around violently and smash it into things. This, though perhaps mean and overly aggressive, is nothing too shocking (unless the person with the beard is a woman, in which case it is shocking for entirely different reasons).

When one does the same to oneself, however, it is slightly more impressive.

Thunderfunk awoke on the bathroom floor, laying amidst shards of broken glass, sporting an enormous goose egg on his head, one that matched, approximately, the dent that was now on the stainless steel sink. Stubbornly, the beard refused to leave, choosing to remain attached.

At that moment a furious knocking started at his door. Picking himself up, Thunder meandered towards the door, walking a crooked straight line to get there. He opened the door after composing himself. "Yes?" he said.

To his amazement, Straw Daq walked in wearing green tights, red curly shoes, a red coat of indeterminate cut, a pointy hat and pointy ears. He stormed to the centre of the room, fuming mad. "Not one word," he said, cutting off Thunder’s question. "I don’t want to hear it."

Thunder moved back to the bed where he sat down beside his sidekick. They remained there in awkward silence for a long time. "Nice beard," said Straw.

"Thanks," replied Thunder. "I like your hat."

"Thanks."

More silence.

Silence happened two more times.

Finally Thunder rose to his feet and headed to the door. "If we must," he said sadly, "then we must."

"I suppose," answered Straw, though he was unhappy about it.

Twenty minutes later the two of them stood at city hall, fighting the forces of good as they tried to kidnap the mayor in a convoluted plot that really does not bear repeating here. Explosions occurred around them as the heroes drew closer. Seeing his inevitable defeat, Thunder pulled out one last weapon - a gun that fired candy canes.

"Oh must I use this gaudy contraption?" he groused.

Yes. Yes you must.

"I despise this time of year," he muttered under his breath. He glanced over at Straw who was already wrapped in garland, a bow on his lips, effectively gagging him. The young man struggled mightily for a moment, closing his eyes in utter defeat, the fight seemingly knocked out of him. Turning back to the heroes, Thunder fired off a few shots, somewhat pleased when they exploded on contact. "At least there’s that," he said as the heroes closed to within arm's reach.

At the last second, a flying sleigh came zipping by trailing a rope. Thunder leapt and grabbed hold, getting pulled up out of harms way. The sled slewed around, lowering a hook that snagged the garland around Straw, pulling him along as well. Thunder climbed down his rope and grabbed Straw (after ripping off the bow)(and some skin)(and the results of two weeks of growing a moustache)(that’s right, he got both hairs), pulling him up into the sled.

"How did you arrange this?" yelled Straw over sound of the wind.

"I didn’t," replied the giant chicken. "I thought you did."

"No."

Puzzled, Thunderfunk crawled into the sled proper, and was only half-surprised to see what he saw – a jolly looking fat man wearing a fuzzy red coat with white trim, matching pants and hat, and a massive white beard. The sleigh was being pulled by eight flying reindeer (the ninth presumably not needed because it was a clear night). "Are you serious?" asked Thunder in a pained voice.

Smiling congenially, Santa nodded. "Of course I am," he replied.

"Then why are you helping us?" asked Straw as he finally struggled out of his bonds. "Shouldn’t you be helping the good guys? After all, you do give away toys to the good girls and boys every year."

Santa shrugged. "Can’t an evil mastermind give away toys once a year? I don’t have to be all evil, do I?"

Thunder rubbed his beak. "I really hate this time of year," he said. As they flew into the horizon, he cringed at Santa’s ‘Merry Christmas everyone!’, hoping that Easter would at least have the decency to leave him alone.

Fools of us All - Chapter 20

I was trying to sleep without much success. Beside me Caz was breathing heavily, having passed out as soon as she laid down, exhausted from the whole ordeal. She had finally told me who it was that I had shot earlier that day. I looked down at her, glad to see that at least while she was sleeping she seemed able to put all of the betrayal and rough times behind her and look peaceful.

Rubbing my face with my hand, I rose to my feet, giving up on the idea of sleep for at least a little while. Dim lights still shone in a few places around this formerly secret hideout. I had wanted to leave, but Caz had been too exhausted to go anywhere, and it was her opinion that there would not be anyone coming to check this place out tonight, not with everything that happened at the warehouse. I hoped she was right.

We were currently in a back room that had largely escaped damage in the attack. The door closed tightly, which helped keep the rats out. I had noticed a few picking on the remains of the bodies, but I had not mentioned that to Caz. Carefully I swung the door open just far enough to sneak out, closing it behind me just as cautiously. Going outside would be a bad idea I knew, so I decided instead that I would explore the rest of the base. It was not very large, mostly consisting of the one large room which had been destroyed in the fight. There were some offices along the back and side, and I had hopes that there would be something useful in one of them. I moved to the first one, disappointed to see that it was completely empty. The door on the next office had been twisted in the fight and did not budge no matter how hard I pulled. I moved to the third one, finding that the door was slightly ajar. Listening carefully, I did not hear any sounds, so I swung the door fully open.

I don’t know who was more surprised - me, or the kid with whom I found myself face to face.

Thunderfunk the Superchicken - Chapter 19

Heh Heh Heh...Dusseldorf.

Thunder sat back in his chair, reading his newspaper. Every once in a while he would glance out the window at the scenery rolling by. They were entering southern Germany on their way to Dusseldorf, having already passed through Spain, France and Switzerland. Small towns dotted the landscape, as did hills and patches of forest. Thunder went back to his paper.

Straw sat in the seat across from his boss, reading through his files, wondering about the strategy they would employ to combat their next foe, a German superhero by night, fashion designer by day. His superpower involved shooting fire from his hands, though due to his mysterious persona and lack of credible information, it was uncertain if that was the extent of his powers. It was rumoured that he could shoot multiple types of energy from his hands, but that was as of yet uncomfirmed. His name: Dusseldorf Kinder, which in English was the Dusseldorf Kid, earning him the title of having the name that sounded that lamest in both German and English. Also, and this was ironic given his fashion designer day job, he had the worst uniform of any superhero worldwide – even worse than Super Happy Go-Go Boots Joy. DK wore a white button up shirt with ruffles tipped in gold. The buttons only went halfway, leaving his day-glo orange undershirt exposed, and tufts of hair poking out from underneath that. Purple pants that hugged the hips and flared out at the bottom were tight enough that he did not have any pockets. His brown shoes were platform shoes with yellow laces. His belt, though tasteful, was black and thus did not match his shoes, and the belt buckle was a glittery silver oval with his initials carved in. And to top things off (literally, in fact), he had a comb over. Straw shuddered slightly at the picture.

Noticing the slight movement from the corner of his eye, Thunderfunk lowered his paper. "Who are we fighting next?" he asked. Silently his partner handed him the file. Examining it distastefully for a moment, the giant chicken handed it back. "This looks as though it should be easy. Don’t bother getting a hotel for this one – we’ll just pop in, destroy and humiliate him, and head out on the next plane. We have a busy schedule ahead of us."

"You know," mused Straw, stroking his chin thoughtfully, "at some point we’ll cross paths with First Lieutenant Awesomepants."

"Oh I think not," replied Thunderfunk from behind the business section. "We will eventually reach some heroes to whom he has spoken, but we will not face him directly. Not for a while. By the way," he continued, lowering the paper once again, "how many of these heroes do we have left?"

Shuffling his papers, Straw found the master list. "Fourteen," he answered, looking nonplussed. "How are we going to beat all of these people. It will take forever."

"Fear not, my good lad. There is only one viable option."

"You don’t mean..."

"Indeed. We will have a montage."

NEXT WEEK: THUNDERFUNK, THE MONTAGE!

"Who said that?" Thunder looked around. "Listen disembodied voice. I told you before to go away and stop following me. It’s getting weird."

SORRY. I JUST WANT TO HELP.

"Well you’re creepy and Straw has trouble sleeping at night because of you. Now go away. Sheesh."

ALL RIGHT. GOODBYE.

SERIOUSLY - MONTAGE!

Thunderfunk the Superchicken - Chapter 18

I Don't Even Know How To Play Gin

Straw faked to his right and then dove to his left. The bull, trained by Ole! himself only missed his mark because he was laughing too hard to aim properly. Straw rose to his feet and dusted himself off. "I know, it was a weak move, but it’s been a long day."

The bull nodded appreciatively and then charged, accelerating to killing speed in the blink of an eye. His horns caught a bit of light and gleamed a deadly gleam. He lowered his head, squinting his eyes every so slightly to better hone in on his target. It was almost as though a bullseye was painted on this villain’s heart. With a roar of mad glee, the bull craned his neck, preparing to skewer his opponent.

This would be a good time to check on Thunderfunk the Superchicken. His battle with Ole!, the Spanish superhero was going well. Super speed was actually a relatively easy power to counter when one was a super genius, as Thunderfunk was. It was all about calculating probabilities and chance and simply sticking out a solid object. Invariably the speedster would run into the object. Usually their speed was almost faster than they could handle themselves, meaning straight lines were easy for them, but sudden cornering was much harder. The human brain, after all, was only meant to handle certain speeds, and anything beyond that was a struggle.

Ole! stood on a rock, his uniform torn and dirty, a few nasty bruises on his head and arms, and possibly his torso, though that was still mostly covered, and thus it was hard to tell. He had taken his lumps, but he had given them out as well. Thunderfunk was missing a few tufts of feathers here and there, and one eye had been blackened by sharp jab. They stood facing each other, breathing hard in the desert heat.

"You fight well, senor," said the Spanish hero. "But it is up to me to stop your evil ways."

"Pshaw," replied Thunder. "You are nothing but a pawn to that arrogant First Lieutenant Awesomepants."

"I don’ know what you are talking about," replied Ole!, though he sounded somewhat nervous. "I was merely resting here when you attacked me." He managed to sound affronted.

Thunder chuckled. "You cannot lie to me. I was monitoring the airwaves in this region, and we heard Awesomepants contact you. We were able to use the signal to locate you." Taking a small step forward, the giant chicken clucked sadly. "I hope you realise that this is just his attempt at a coup. After he rids the world of myself and my associate, he will turn on all of you, making you his slaves, except for those he kills outright." He stepped forward again, positioning himself for his next strike.

"That’s a lie," replied Ole! "He told me you would come with lies and try to trick me. But it won’ work."

"Of course he said that," Thunder said sympathetically. "It’s hard to betray someone if you don’t first gain their trust. Think about it for a moment. In your long and illustrious career, has First Lieutenant Awesomepants ever come to you for anything, or contacted you in any way?" He smiled inwardly at the look of anger and confusion that crossed the Spaniard’s face. "Of course not. Not until he needs to use you before tossing you away like a used hanky."

"NO!" Reaching behind his back, Ole! pulled out his cape and started waving it. "You canno’ tell me your lies. You will not tell me your lies." He waved the cape slowly, flapping it enticingly in front of the chicken’s face.

Despite his best efforts, Thunder felt himself slowly losing control of his mind, the hypnotic effect of the cape washing over him. He relaxed, losing himself in a dreamlike state.

Suddenly, both the Spaniard and the giant chicken looked over at their sidekicks. "Gin!" said Straw, slapping down his cards. The bull grunted in frustration began shuffling the cards while Straw wrote down the score. "I am totally beating you," gloated the young man. He backed down slightly and meekly accepted his cards when the giant beast snorted loudly in his direction. "I’m just sayin’ is all," he said softly. He looked over and caught Thunder’s eye. "Oh. Uh..frankly, it’s too hot to actually fight," he said apologetically. "This seemed easier."

"Lucy?" said the Spaniard. The bull looked sheepish, though whether it was because his partner had caught him playing cards, or because everyone now knew that his name was Lucy, it was hard to tell.

"You," said Thunder, reaching into his coat pocket, "are coming close to losing my confidence, Mr. Daq." He pulled out a gun and shot Ole! in the shoulder. The hero fell down, too surprised to even cry out in pain. Striding over, Thunder slapped a neural neutraliser onto the man’s head, watching it disappear as the previous one had. "Come," he said to Straw. "We must go." He left the hero to be rescued by his speedy bull. Or not. He was too hot to care.

Fools of us All - Chapter 19

Tears would come later, I knew, but for now I was too tired and angry to care. I almost let that anger drive me to a fatal mistake, but Spin was paying more attention and he grabbed my arm before I could stumble around the corner without checking. Voices drifted down the hall, at least four of them, likely drawn by the sound of the blaster. But they had learned caution at this point and were proceeding carefully. That left us time to duck back and make some plans of our own.

A few minutes later we stood out in the relatively fresh air, the rain falling down our faces and matching my mood exactly. I stared into the grey sky, letting the water run down my face. Why did you have to betray me like that? I had nothing until you gave me a purpose a showed me that there really was something worth living for. Now you had left me with nothing once again.

I was grateful for Spin’s silence. We walked for a couple of hours, dodging police cars and M.E.R.C. patrols. The rain finally let up, allowing the weak evening sun to break through, casting long shadows on the sidewalk.

I wasn’t even thinking, just walking to get away until the smell of smoke and charred flesh brought me back to my senses and showed that I had gone back to where it had all began. The remains of my old hideout stood before me. I couldn’t even begin to guess how long it had been since I had been here last, but there were no happy memories that remained. Only after twenty minutes of standing and staring did Spin’s gentle cough finally prompt me to action. With morbid curiosity I stepped through the door that was hanging askew from a single hinge, wrinkling my nose at the smell. A weak beam of light played across my body, the remnants of our weapons scan. I was heavily armed, but I knew that the automatic defences were no longer an issue so I just walked through the hole that used to be a door.

Inside there was nothing left. Computers laid smashed, desks were splintered, and bodies were strewn everywhere. A smoking crater was all that remained of Dun’s old office, the walls collapsed around it. I viewed it all with a stoic calm, too numb to feel anymore.

That’s what I thought, anyway. There was nothing left that could be of any use to us, but I couldn’t bring myself to leave. I just stood and stared, taking a step or two every once in a while before a new memory hit me, flooding my mind with images that should be merely sad but now had turned tragic. My breathing became laboured, but I didn’t notice. Or care. Another step forward and I tripped, landing hard on the ground. I looked up, only to be confronted by the seared body of Dar, and that was it. I let it all out then, crying tears for the dead, lamenting the hand that life had dealt me.

After what felt like a few hours of laying curled up on the floor and crying, the tears finally subsided. Moving awkwardly to a sitting position, I scooted myself over to where Spin was leaning against a wall, watching me with quiet concern. “Do you feel better now,” he asked quietly, the first words he had spoken to me in hours.

All I could do was nod mutely, but my life had been flipped upside down so many times in the last week that I knew I could make no solid promise the feeling better would last.

Fools of us All - Chapter 18

I stared at the door that the General had just shut rather rudely in my face. I had desperately wanted to be in that room, but it was hard to argue with a guy as big as the man I had been following. I wasn't sure if Caz had noticed me or not, she seemed rather focused on the guy. With a shrug of my shoulders I turned around and stood before the door, holding the gun I had stolen from the M.E.R.C. soldier whose clothes I was now wearing. There was a pair of guards standing on my left, and a pair on my right. I had never felt quite so alone in my life.

I didn't know where I was, and I didn't even know when I was. Things had started moving really fast ever since I met the strange girl from the future, and now I was standing outside of a room where she had been captured and was probably about to be killed and I could do nothing about it.

"The General seemed a little upset," said one of the other guards. I looked over at him and noticed that his gun was holstered. In fact, all of their guns were holstered. That gave me a weapons advantage. Plus, I had the element of surprise because they wouldn't be expecting an attack.

Silently thanking my mom for making me take years of martial arts and gymnastics, I lashed out suddenly with a fist, knocking the first guard to his knees, doubled over in pain. Instantly I swung at the man beside him, knocking him out against the wall. Before the other two had a chance to react I spun around and levelled my gun at them. They raised their hands in surrender, so I was as gentle as I could be when I knocked them out. The first guard was still awake, and he was trying to get his weapon up to get a shot at me, but a quick knee to his face put a stop to that. The activity had only lasted for a few moments, and now I was alone in the hall, able to make a move at rescuing Caz. I faced the door just as it opened, revealing the large man standing there, scowling down at me.

I looked down at the guards laying at my feet, and then back at the large man. I shrugged, feigning innocence. That was when it finally registered that he was also holding a gun. Without a thought I raised my own weapon and fired, catching him right in the chest. He fell back, a stunned look on his face. I turned my gun to cover the General, who also looked surprised. "Don't move gramps," I said. "I just want to take her and get out of here."

Slowly I moved over to the table where Caz was strapped down and removed the restraints. Immediately she went over to the large man, now dead on the ground. She just stared down at him, tears streaking her face.

"We have to get out of here," I said quietly.

She nodded. Looking up, she glanced at the General and then motioned with her head.

I smiled. "Well, sir, today is your lucky day. You get to not die." With that I turned my gun around and hit him across the face with the back of the gun, knocking him out. As he slumped to the floor I rejoined Caz at the door.

She glanced back at the man on the floor and looked like she wanted to speak, but then just shook her head sadly and left the room. I followed, wondering about what I had just seen.

Thunderfunk the Superchicken - Chapter 17

Upside Down Exclamation Mark

Straw grimaced slightly, wiping his hand on his pants. Ever since he fought the octopus in Japan, he had been finding gooey ink on his body. He had only had time for an extremely rushed shower before he and Thunderfunk had checked out of their hotel and headed for their next destination: Spain. They were now sitting in a jeep, peering through the dust in the hot midday sun, looking for their next target.

His name was Ole! and he was a Spanish superhero. His garb was that of a stereotypical matador, showing, in Thunderfunk’s opinion, an appalling lack of imagination and style. His powers included the telepathic control of cows and bulls, super speed, and a mystical cape that hypnotised people into attacking it rather than the wielder.

Thunder clasped Straw’s shoulder and pointed, handing his binoculars to his protege. "I believe," he said, licking his beak, "that we have found our prey." He opened a flask and drained the water it contained within.

Straw stared at the man they had to face. The blazing sun bounced dazzlingly off of his clothes, slightly blinding Straw, leaving purple afterimages on his retinas. He was sitting on a rock, legs crossed, eyes closed, either meditating or sleeping. Turning the key in the jeep, Straw tossed the glasses on the seat beside him and shifted into gear, starting with a jerk. He hit the brakes and waited for Thunder to climb back into the vehicle. "Sorry," he muttered, making sure that the giant bird was holding tightly before he eased the vehicle forward.

They pulled up near the rock and exited the vehicle, walking to stand before the superhero, blocking the sun and leaving him in their shadows. For a long time no one spoke. Finally Thunderfunk cleared his throat.

"Away with you," said Ole!, his English thickly accented.

"Do you know how far we’ve come?" asked Thunder.

"Si."

"And do you know why we have come?"

"Si."

"Then you know we cannot leave."

"Si." Suddenly the Spaniard stood behind them, a slight unsettling of the dust the only evidence of his travel. "But you canno’ defeat me," he said confidently.

Thunder was less than impressed. "Your speed does not impress me, and your clothes frankly disgust me. Give us your best shot."

Smiling, Ole! clapped his hands twice, striking a flamboyant pose, his churrigueresque outfit flaring brilliantly in the sun.

Straw squeezed his eyes shut against the glare. A soft noise behind them caught his attention. Slowly he turned, cracking open his eyes, and groaning inwardly at what he saw. An extremely large bull with sharpened horns that for some reason glittered in the sunlight was less than two feet away. A grin seemed to play on its massive lips. The blackness of his hide seemed to absorb all light that came near it. With a heavy heart, Straw looked up at his boss. "I suppose," he said, shoulders slumped, "that you will handle Ole! while I take care of the bull?"

"Of course, my dear boy. You must protect my back at all times."

Rubbing the bridge of his nose, Straw closed his eyes painfully. "Of course," he agreed. This just was not going to be his week. He could tell.

Fools of us All - Chapter 17

I did not wake up slowly or gently. A loud sound roused me from my enforced slumber, causing me to strain forward against restraints that I could not remember being placed on me. My eyes flew open for a brief second, slamming shut against the bright light that seemed to surround me. I took a moment to evaluate.

My jaw was aching, a dull pain that spread to the rest of my head. My arms and legs were strapped down tightly, too tight to even consider moving. The room was uncomfortably warm, which, when combined with the bright light, made me think that I was in some sort of interrogating room. Slowly I cracked open one eye, giving it time to get used to the light. It was impossible to see anything else, so I sat back and just listened instead. A humming sound was in the background, faint, almost like a mosquito flying around the room at night. The shuffle of at least two pairs of feet on the tile floor came to me, which, when combined with the fact that I was very firmly strapped onto a table, showed that they really did not want me to escape. That, however, was my first order of business. I just wish I knew how.

"I thought I saw her eyes move," came a voice. "What should we do?"

The humming sound grew louder. "I can't tell if she is awake or not. This equipment is a piece of..." The thought was left unfinished as the door opened. Two pairs of feet snapped together.

I cracked open one eye and watched as the General I had noticed before entered the room. He dismissed the two soldiers who had been guarding me. As the door closed behind them I noticed the General's aide, the one with the cold eyes, regarding me thoughtfully as he conferred with one of the M.E.R.C. soldiers. Just before the door swung completely shut I heard the soldier say something about 'the other one'.

Before I could process any of this information, the General spoke. "Well my dear," he said, sounding friendly, considering the circumstances. "So we meet at last."

I opened my eyes fully now, able to stand the light, and knowing that there was no point in feigning sleep any longer. But I didn't speak, instead letting him carry the conversation.

"I must say, your picture doesn't do you justice. I see that your time in the past has greatly improved your sense of fashion."

I looked down at myself, at the dress and shoes that I was still wearing, a disguise from a time not my own. The wig had long fallen off, but at least a couple of the rings were still on my finger. A shrug was about the only reaction I allowed.

The General smiled down at me benignly. "Oh come now dear, don't be so bashful. After all, we are all friends here."

There was something about the way his smile changed that did not sit well with me. What exactly did he mean by that? A moment later the door opened and I had the answer. A large man walked through the door, a man large enough that he almost filled the entire doorway. He turned and spoke to his guard. "Don't let anyone in," he intoned, but that booming voice was hard to hide. He turned back to me.

"Bastard."

He took the epithet silently, merely staring at me. Behind him his guard seemed to be waving his hands or doing something. Whatever it was the General didn't seem to appreciate it because he went and closed the door manually.

Silence stretched out before us, covering the past that had been between us. It was he who spoke first, but only because I could find no more words to say. "I did not imagine, Caz, that when I took you under my wing that it would be you who would end up in this position." Dun, the man who had mentored me, trained me, and in many ways, been a father to me, stood before me now, hale and hearty, looking much less dead than the last time I had seen him. "The prophecy was quicker in being fulfilled than I had imagined it would be." He exhaled heavily. "I thought there would be more time before the chosen one was revealed."

Words found me again. "I suppose," I said vehemently, "that you wanted to spare me, or that you didn't want anyone to get hurt."

He shrugged. "It would have been my preference, but I'm not all that concerned. Death does not bother me, not when it happens to those who stand in my way."

"You make me sick." It was impossible to tell if my tears were those of anger or of sorrow.

That comment seemed to sting him ever so slightly, putting him in a mood to pontificate. "I think you are failing to see the entire picture here, but that is my fault, I suppose. You see, the prophecy which was shared with you was not the entire story. The prophecy that you knew was that you are destined to find the one to save the world, that you were to stand with him at the end, victorious. That was only partly true."

Despite myself, I was interested. What more was there to the prophecy? I raised an eyebrow, signalling him to go on.

"Still feisty I see." A small chuckle escaped his lips. "That is good to see. It will make your death easier. Because die you will. The original prophecy does not end so triumphantly for you, I'm afraid. The warrior will lead humanity to salvation, says the omen, but his herald, the one sent to bring him to this new glory is destined to die. There is nothing you can do, your story has already been told."

"But I don't get it. If I am going to die anyway, why did you have to betray the entire organisation, and why are you so determined to kill me now? What do you gain if my story is already told?"

"Funny thing about prophecies - they are notoriously hard to predict, and even harder to recognise when they are happening. The organisation was concerned about this, and so I was sent to find out all the information that I could. What I found shook my faith and changed my point of view.

"All of my life I had been raised with this promise, and as I grew older and joined the organisation I was extremely enthusiastic. But then nothing seemed to happen. There were great promises from the leaders, and preparations to be made, but nothing ever seemed to change. The world got worse and worse and by the time I was sent on the fact-finding expedition, I was wracked with doubt. As we explored the ancient teachings I found some seeming inconsistencies, some questions that I couldn't reconcile with the prophecy as we knew it. So I dug deeper, keeping my findings to myself.

"The prophecy we knew wasn't the only one out there. Another oracle had spoken, foretelling of one who is to wield fantastic power, greater than that of any mortal man before. To get that power, all that person had to do was kill one other person. But not just any other person. No, the one who died was very specifically laid out. It was the herald of one who would come to save the world. It was you.

"Understandably, my faith was shaken. How could both of these prophecies be true? I never reported my findings to the organisation. Instead I waited and studied, seeing what I could find. In the end I came to the realisation that one prophecy was false, and one prophecy was true." Reaching into his jacket, he pulled out a gun and levelled it at me. "Your fate was sealed the minute you walked into that meeting, Caz. I am sorry that it had to be you, but I cannot stand in the way of destiny."

A pair of loud thumps sounded in the hallway outside the door. It took a moment, but Dun finally turned and looked at the General, who merely shrugged and motioned at the door. With a heavy sigh the large man turned and opened the door. One of the M.E.R.C.s was standing facing the door. On either side of him were two soldiers lying motionless on the ground. There was a moment of shocked silence as the soldier looked to either side of himself and that back at Dun, shrugging with theatrical nonchalance, as if to say he didn't know what was happening either.

Then he raised his gun and fired.

Thunderfunk the Superchicken - Chapter 16

It's Not Octopi, Apparently

Thunderfunk the Superchicken had faced many foes in his life. This was the first time he had been completely flummoxed though. Slowly he circled his opponent, Super Happy Go-Go Boots Joy, and did his best to ignore the loud crashes, angry curses, and occasional banana that came from Straw Daq’s battle with the octopus.

Clearing his throat, he began to taunt his foe. "You think you are able to defeat me," he said in a higher pitched voice than normal, "but I am the greatest. You cannot defeat me."

"But I must defeat you," replied the Japanese hero rapidly. "You are evil and good must always triumph."

"Ha-ha-ha-ha!" said Thunderfunk. He ran at the behemoth before him, shouting "Ancestor’s Candlewick Snuff-out Punch!" as he leapt into the air.

"Kick of a Thousand Tiny Papercuts!" replied his foe as he too leapt into the air. For nearly a minute the two of them flew towards each other, screaming, their mouths round and huge. At the last second, Thunder shook his head. What am I doing? he asked himself. I can’t match his strength. Also, ‘ha-ha-ha-ha’? Did I really say that? Furiously he flapped his wings a few times, giving himself just enough lift that Super Happy Go-Go Boots Joy passed underneath him. A giant question mark appeared above his head as he fell to the ground where he landed with a resounding crash. Thunder gently landed on an overturned car.

Before he could try and press his advantage, a black shape went soaring past him. A second later, the ink covered form of Straw Daq stalked by. "I hate cephalopods," he said darkly.

Despite feeling sympathetic, Thunder had his own battle to worry about. Hurrying forward, he found Super Happy rising shakily to his feet. With careful concentration, Thunder spoke. "This world you have created around you is fascinating," he said, fighting to keep his voice at its normal pitch and speed. "I must study it some day, when I have your brain in a jar."

"Huh?" said Super Happy. He turned and posed in a fighting stance.

"Oh no, good sir. I am not falling into a bout of fisticuffs." Straw found it easier to speak if he spoke like one who had lived a hundred years ago. "My strength lies not in the brawn of my arms...um...wings, but in the power of my brain." His foe shouted again and charged forward, but by concentrating, Thunder was able to avoid panicking and succumbing to the rules of this world. As the young Japanese man neared, he merely stepped aside, sticking out a foot to trip up the larger man. The resulting crash shook the buildings around them and plowed a furrow in the street. "I would thank you not to rumple my suit, dear fellow," called out Thunder. "It cost a pretty penny at the local haberdashery. A pretty penny indeed."

And thus the battle went. Slowly Thunderfunk was able to wear down his opponent until finally Super Happy Go-Go Boots Joy laid in the street, defeated. The world around them was returned to normal once again. Tokyo citizens looked on in stunned silence as the Superchicken strode over to where their hero lay, cackling evilly. "A mighty fine show, lad, but it should be manifestly clear that you were no match for me." Placing a foot on the Japanese symbol, Thunder leaned forward. "I could kill you right now, and I probably should." He enjoyed the moment of terror that passed through the young man’s eyes. "However, my associate has convinced me that on this day it would be better to spare your life. But since I cannot have you roaming free to try and thwart me again..." Suddenly he pulled a small device out of his suit and slammed it into Super Happy’s head, causing it to bounce painfully against the broken pavement. As the young man lapsed into unconsciousness, Thunder chuckled malevolently. "A little something I whipped up. You shall awake with a headache and the inability to use your powers." Before his eyes, the device seemed to sink into the head, disappearing from sight completely. "And you will not even know why."

With that, Thunder strode away purposefully. He was joined by Straw moments later. Still covered in ink, the young man was also sporting a banana in each ear, and the remnants of many more were stuck to his body. "Not a word," he said emphatically. "Not a single word."

Fools of us All - Chapter 16

So this is the future, eh? I thought to myself as I ran. So far I am not impressed. I ducked through the doorway and skidded to a halt, turning just in time to see Caz obscured by a cloud of debris from the ceiling. Well, there was nothing I could do so I turned back and dove through the doors, praying at the last minute that they weren't locked shut.

They banged open and I went tumbling across the floor, ending up against a door. Shaking my head to clear it I looked up and down the hallway, noting with satisfaction that the doors had swung shut behind me, muting the sounds coming from the large room on the other side. The door that I was leaning against was the first door on the right, so I rose to my feet and hurried down the hall to the third door on the left. The doorknob was cold as I started to turn it slowly, trying to be somewhat covert on the off chance that there was someone within. Perhaps I could surprise them.

Thanks to the fact that I wasn't making much noise on my own I became aware of some loud voices coming from a room down the hall. I was going to ignore them until I heard someone say the name "Caz" quite loudly. Intrigued, I headed in that direction, crouching to avoid being seen through the frosted windows. There were two voices coming from the room, quite audibly to my surprise.

"What is going on?" came the first voice, a deeply soothing voice, though there was a discordant edge to it at the moment. A silhouette passed across the window, arms waving in the air.

It was a moment before there was a reply, long enough that I was starting to wonder if maybe he was talking me somehow. But then a second voice spoke up, this one sounding quite agitated and angry as he said what he knew.

"Interesting," came the first voice again after listening to the explanation of the past few minutes. "It would appear that when Caz returned she brought two friends with her."

"So there are three people running around here now?"

A slight chuckle. "You misunderstood me. She brought back one person, a young man..."

"The prophesied one!" I couldn't miss the sarcastic sneer in his voice at that.

"Ah, yes," came the slightly derisive reply. "Him. But along with them came a missile of some sort, possibly from the portable rocket launchers you sent back with the M.E.R.C. squad?"

A groan. "I knew sending those goon squads back would end be trouble."
"Yes, quite right. However, I must say that if it was engineered on purpose by the lass or the lad, then perhaps we should reassess matters somewhat." There was a pause. "Or perhaps not. It would appear that Caz is now under our control. The boy is not from this time and will be easy corral in the near future. The machine is still operational and the organisation is on the run. You have done well for us. Now all that is left is to get any information from the girl that we can and then dispose of her." There was a weighty pause. "That, I shall leave up to you."

Chills ran down my spine and settled in my gut at that. Just then a hand came down on my shoulder. Without thinking I grabbed it and flipped the person over my shoulder, using one of the throws taught to me by my martial arts instructor. The man landed heavily on the ground, sending his helmet flying, and I quickly lashed out with a pair of punches to the face, knocking him to unconsciousness. I dragged him around the corner, trying to figure out what to do. I had to save Caz somehow and I had no idea how to do it. Unless...

A few moments later I pulled the helmet over my head, flipping the face guard down to completely obscure my features. I had no idea if this would work, but I had no other options open to me. It seemed to work in the movies, even when it was most unlikely. Such as now. The door opened and out walked a large man, likely the owner of one of the voices from the room. I snapped to attention, holding my breath. My best bet was the fact that the M.E.R.C.s seemed to be mercenaries, hired for a job and not really a part of whatever group I was now facing. With any luck that would mean that this man didn't know any of the troops personally.

"Come with me," he said, confirming that he had been one of the people talking in the room, "I need an escort to the prisoner room." He started walking away briskly and I followed, breathing a silent sigh of relief.

As I passed the door I snuck a look from the corner of my eye. It was empty save for a screen against one wall and a gumball machine in the corner, which seemed odd. The other voice must have been from somewhere else in the building.

As we reached the doors to the main warehouse area the man paused and turned to me. "Make sure your weapon is fully armed and ready to go. We have a prisoner to dispose of." He turned and exited the hallway, not pausing long enough to see me shudder. This was not going well at all.

Thunderfunk the Superchicken - Chapter 15

It Has Begun!

The sun was just breaking over the horizon, but in the urban jungle that was Tokyo the streets were still covered in the shadows of the buildings. Moments earlier an explosion had rocked the area flipping cars into the air, sending them crashing down in the morning gloom. Smoke settled across the road, giving the scene the feeling of a London fog. Thunderfunk the Superchicken stood at the end of the street, laughing evilly at the chaos around him. A young man in an old style pilot’s helmet and goggles leaned casually against a light post, munching on a fruity oaty bar. Civilians scattered like pins at a bowling alley.

And then, out of the smoke stepped a figure. No, more than a figure – a legend. He wore a spandex suit so tight it was almost painted onto his massive, rippling muscles. Baby blue go-go boots came up nearly to his knees and matched the soft blue of his eyes perfectly. His orange spandex contrasted nicely with the boots, and the single Japanese character in black shadow with a white outline somehow managed to tie the entire ensemble together. His massive arms looked particularly well defined and a sheen of sweat made his skin glisten. A cape was attached at the neck and it flapped enthusiastically in a breeze that moments ago had not been there.

Thunderfunk glared down the street and laughed. "Do you think you can frighten me?" he mocked.

A single beam of light chose that moment to bounce off of a window into another window, and from there it landed on Super Happy Go-Go Boots Joy, suffusing him with a soft, angelic glow.

Thunder swallowed hard. That was an impressive trick.

And then there was no more time for thoughts as the battle was joined. Yelling unintelligibly in Japanese, SHGGBJ darted forward. Suddenly the world around Thunder changed. The buildings disappeared, replaced by a dark red background all around him. SHGGBJ was running towards him, still yelling, but somehow he failed to come any closer. The world around him was a bright green colour and was somehow blurred as though seen at great speed. The Japanese hero leapt impossibly high in the air, and suddenly Thunder could understand what he was saying: "Leave Boot Impression In Enemies Face Sudoku Attack!" His background was now yellow.

Disoriented, Thunder could feel himself break out in sweat. A giant drop of sweat appeared at the side of his head, and he opened his mouth impossibly wide. "Oh no!" he shouted as the hero’s go-go boot came hurtling towards his head. At the last minute he threw himself backwards, and the boot only caught a glancing blow. Thunder flew back slowly, the red background changing to a streaky white background. Finally he came crashing to the ground.

He rose to his feet, a little confused about what just happened. "Did you just..." he began before being pelted with a banana. "Uh," he began again, only to be hit with another banana. Pivoting on his heel he glared at the octopus that was clinging to the light post next to Daq, another peeled banana in one of his tentacles. "Cut that out!" snapped the chicken. He turned to face his foe again, only to be hit with a dozen more bananas. A string of Japanese words floated by, each one flicking him right on the beak. Blinking hard, Thunder glanced back at the light post. "Deal with it," he growled at Straw. Striding forward a step, he ducked, avoiding another hurled banana.

"Deal with it?" groused Straw under his breath. "Like that is so easy." Rolling up his sleeves, he briefly considered wondering about where the silk aviator’s scarf that was wrapped around his neck had come from, but wisely decided that it was not worth the effort. Reaching up he grabbed the octopus around the area where its neck theoretically would be. "Let’s talk," he said, pulling it down and staring into its eyes. The battle was now fully begun. Beginned? No, begun.

Fools of us All - Chapter 15

It has always amazed me at how some pain is familiar. Something happens at one point in your life, and then it happens again, maybe not for days, weeks, even years, and yet as soon as it happens your body tells you that this is familiar, this is known, you have felt this before and survived. There is almost a comfort to it. Maybe it is a natural coping mechanism, something that your body does to help get through pain, to make survival that little bit easier. I don't know.

All of that being said, it still hurt. I gasped loudly as we rematerialized, the pain of our passage through time echoing on every nerve in my body. I barely had time to see Spin's wide eyes before a massive explosion occurred behind us, throwing me from my knees to flat on my stomach, heat washing over me, singing the tips of my hair. I knew that surprise and chaos could only work for us for a short time so I wordlessly pushed myself to my feet and grabbed Spin's arm, trying to get him to rise as well. It took a moment but he finally shook off the shock of time passage and rose unsteadily to his feet.

I glanced around to get my bearings. We were back in the warehouse and to my relief no one had repaired the massive hole in the side. Probably they had just thrown up a holo-imager to make the building look secure until they could get a refab team in to make the building whole once again.

I grabbed Spin's hand and yanked him forward, heading straight for the opening. We had only run a few steps when he suddenly pulled on my arm, dragging us to a stop. I looked back and he wordlessly pointed to the edges of the hole. I swore and ducked behind a container. In my eagerness to escape I had failed to notice the a group of uniformed men standing on either side, weapons drawn. Damn, why did they have to actually be well trained for once.

My mind raced. How were we going to escape now? I didn't know the building very well, having spent most of my previous stay here in a small room being poked and prodded by doctors. But I had explored that room quite extensively. A plan began to form in my mind.

We had been back in the warehouse for no more than ten seconds at this point. Due to the explosion there was mass confusion. A quick look around showed me a few things. At various exit points around the building were some highly disciplined M.E.R.C. troops who had remained on station despite everything. The time machine was still sitting where it had been, thankfully intact as near as I could tell. The door to Amanda Brun's command room high above the floor was flung open and a man in a general's uniform was stepping out, looking wild-eyed. Someone of lower rank but obviously steadier nerves stepped out beside him and pulled the general back into the room. The aide paused for a moment to survey the situation. His eyes met mine briefly and even across the expanse between us I could see the hint of a cold smile cross his lips. I knew we had to move now.

I leaned in close to Spin. "I need to create another diversion," I said hurriedly. "When I give the word you rush towards that door there." I pointed at an unguarded door. "It leads to the medical facilities. Go into the third room on the left, I'll join you as soon as I can."

He looked at the open floor between him and the door and sighed. "Be careful," was all he said.

At least he was willing to go along without knowing the plan. That was helpful. "Okay, go!" At the same time I dove out to a roll and came up running, hoping that everyone would still be too concerned with the fire that had resulted from the explosion to notice one more person rushing around. The fire alone may have been enough of a distraction, but I needed something to really hold their attention.

No more than thirty seconds from the time I returned to my present I was at the time machine controls. They didn't make much sense to me, but I could recognise a power button when I saw one. I hit the button and nothing happened. Cursing under my breath I thought to when I had been transported back in time - what had the technician done? Before he hit the button he had twisted a few knobs or thrown some switches. I looked at the controls again but nothing seemed obvious. So I did the only thing I could think of and started throwing switches and twisting dials at random. Once again I hit the button and this time was rewarded with a loud crackling of energy. The machine itself, high up on the platform, leapt to life loudly, making a satisfying amount of noise. Without looking back I jumped away from the controls and started running to the hallway where I had sent Spin.

What I had not counted on was a beam of energy lancing out and striking the ceiling. Debris rained down in front of me as part of the roof caved in. A cloud of dust spread out, obscuring my vision, but also obscuring everyone else's. Unfortunately, my path was also obstructed. I turned and ran back the way I had come, racing by the machine once again. There was another set of rooms on this side of the building. Hopefully everything would be organised the same way.

I burst through the doorway into an empty hall. It was short with a left hand turn at the end. As I reached the turn there was another explosion in the main warehouse area. The force of the explosion was enough to cause me to stumble forward around the corner. Before I could recover my equilibrium something solidly connected with my jaw. I fell back, slapping my head against the wall. As I faded into darkness, my last thought was for Spin.

Thunderfunk the Superchicken - Chapter 14

Lost in the Translation

Straw sat in front of the mobile work station that he had set up in the hotel. He was drumming his fingers nervously as he waited for the highly encrypted satellite to finish connecting with his computer. Thunder was still stewing furiously over the colours in the room. Finally, with a wave of his wing and an angry ‘bah!’ he rose to his feet and stood beside his lackey, just as the systems finished establishing contact. "What information do we have?" he asked, all traces of anger erased from his voice.

Relaxing only slightly, Straw pulled up the relevant files from the supercomputer back in the secret lair. "Okay, so it would appear that First Lieutenant Awesomepants he has targeted ten superheroes to gather together as a team. Once that team is gathered they will come after us."

"Only ten? That is nothing. We should not even bother trying to stop them gathering, I think."

Looking up at his boss, Straw shook his head. "I don’t know, Thunder. It looks like he’s got some pretty heavy hitters in mind."

"Oh?" Despite himself, Thunderfunk was interested. "Like who?" It really grated on him that there were things he did not already know, but that was why he kept one lacky alive - it made the whole information process much easier.

"Well, take this first guy for example - Super Happy Go-Go Boots Joy. I’m told that it loses something in the translation from the Japanese. But his powers are pretty impressive. He has the ability to turn the battleground around him into a weird world of music, flashing lights, odd colours, and the occasional talking octopus."

"Talking octopus?"

"Yeah. Those who encounter him say that the rules of the land are very hard to operate in for everyone besides him. He knows how to use the disorientation field to his advantage while his foes (that would be us) are left puzzled and angered (that would be you)."

"Yes, but where does the octopus come in?"

Tapping a few more keys, Straw looked closely at the screen. "It would seem that it throws unpeeled bananas in your general direction and shouts at them."

Understanding lit Thunderfunk’s face. "Ah, it is a form of sorcery. He shouts spells that cause the fruit to rise up against his foe." Stroking his chin thoughtfully, he formulated a plan. "We will meet him at dawn, here," he pointed at a spot in downtown Tokyo. "It is there that he will be defeated." His maniacal laughter rolled around the room, scaring a maid cleaning the next room, causing her to knock a picture off of the wall. When the hotel manager found out, he fired her. Because of this her family became destitute, losing their house and being forced to live on the street. Their cat ran away shortly after this, darting into traffic, causing a taxi to swerve into a park car, totalling off both vehicles. The cabbie too was fired, forcing him to get a job in an industrial factory with less than ideal safety records. Within a month he was sick and stuck in a hospital. Ironically, it was the same cab driver that had driven Thunder and Straw around the city when they first arrived. Had he known this, Thunderfunk, the Superchicken, would have been pleased – greatly pleased indeed.

But as it was, he was merely startled by the sound of the breaking picture.

Fools of us All - Chapter 14

I knew I should be scared. I could tell by how Caz was reacting. Her breathing had become shallow and her eyes were darting nervously back and forth. "What are mercs?" I asked, whispering to match her tone. I glanced around the corner carefully, watching as the two men standing by the desk questioned the admitting nurse.

The question seemed to startle Caz, forcing her to focus in order to answer. "M.E.R.C.s," she said, taking a deep breath, "are the counter-revolutionary force organised to, well, counter any revolution that may rise up. It stands for the Marshal Elimination of Revolution Corps. When things really started to hit the fan there was rioting in the streets. The M.E.R.C.s were formed to put down those riots, and they just stuck around to keep anything from happening again. They are absolutely brutal. There is no judge or jury with them - only the executioner. The last time I saw them they were shooting the hell out of the people working the time machine."

I nodded, the gravity of the situation becoming clear. "I'm just going to guess that they are rather high-tech, even in your time."

She looked at me with fear in her eyes. "In my time, a squad of twenty could make a dent against a normal army of hundreds, even thousands. The only advantage we had was that they were unable to find us. That changed the day I came back." I could hear a note of panic start to creep into her voice. "If they are here then all is lost."

My mind worked furiously. A quick peek around the corner and then I ducked back. We had some advantage. First, they didn't know where we were. It was quite possible, maybe even likely, that they didn't know what I looked like. Caz sure hadn't, so maybe these guys were equally clueless. Also, for all of their high tech gadgetry, they didn't know the area or the time. I, on the other hand, had grown up around Moose Jaw and I knew the terrain quite well. Plus this was my time, so I would be able to blend in, making discovery at least slightly harder. It wasn't much, but it was something. Plus, at least we knew the time machine was still working. Gently I grabbed Caz by the arms and looked her square in the eye. "Listen, we still have a shot. If we want to get out of this then we have to stay calm. Based on what you know, how many of them do you think there are?"

I could see that she was drawing strength from me, which terrified me because I didn't really have a clue what I was doing. But that didn't matter right now. We didn't have much time (that seemed ironic to me every time I thought about it) so I just had to keep acting like I knew what was going on."

I wasn't big on the intelligence side of the organisation, but I do know that the time machine takes great power and that the M.E.R.C.s are a very confident bunch." She thought for a moment. "I can't see there being more than three of them here, and it may be that the two we saw are the only ones here. They will rely on their advanced technology to try and flush us out, figuring that we will be easy to defeat."

"No, not we. You. I don't think they would know I am with you. All of the information that they can have is that you were in the hospital and you escaped."

"But they came from my time. Surely they could just look back in their archives and know it all."

I pondered this for a moment and then shook my head. "I don't think so. We aren't at a point in society where our every movement is monitored, and no one knows that I am worth watching yet. That means no records of any kind, and definitely nothing to tie me to you." Quietly we crept back down the hall, away from the main lobby. We would have to find another way to leave the hospital. Surely this place had a back door.

Sometimes I wonder at how much difference a second could make. If we had waited just a moment longer before going around that particular corner would things have worked out differently? I may never know. I do know I should have been more aware of my surroundings instead of lost in thought. The glimmerings of a plan were starting to form in my mind, but all such thoughts were thrown out of my mind when I heard a triumphant shout from the other end of the hall.

"Aha, I knew I'd find you punks. You aren't getting away from me this time!" A shot echoed in the hallway and I could feel the passage of the bullet zip by my face, his haste causing him to miss with his first shot. Without a thought I threw myself back around the corner and started running, hearing the slap of Caz's feet on the floor as she joined me. This was a bad situation. There wasn't anywhere to go but out into the lobby - straight into the teeth of the devil.

With a sigh I barrelled around the corner. "Run, girl," I shouted, not wanting to use her name around the M.E.R.C.s, who looked up with startled expressions on their faces. As she had guessed there were three of them. Two were standing at the desk, looming over the admitting nurse, trying to get info out of her. The third was against the wall, obviously watching to make sure they weren't taken by surprise. Perhaps he should have been looking harder.

On instinct I grabbed that one by the arms and shouted at him "You've got to help us, there's a crazy guy talking about time travel chasing us!" and then hurried on my way without daring to look back, following behind Caz who had passed me when I stopped.

Against all odds all three men snapped around, pulling out futuristic looking weapons, but not so futuristic that their deadly purpose was unrecognisable. I heard a surprised yelp behind me, followed by the sound of three weapons firing simultaneously. The sound faded behind me as I pushed through the automatic doors at the front, nearly bowling over Caz who was standing with her hands up.

Another M.E.R.C was standing about five feet away, his weapon held with a casual deadliness that a small part of my brain admired. He was raising one wrist to his mouth, likely to call his friends to join the party. "Wait," I said desperately, working on instinct. "You don't want to do that."

He cocked his head to the side. I wished I could see his face, but he was wearing some sort of helmet. The outside of the helmet was smooth and featureless, save for darkened slit where the eyes were no doubt watching me closely. His uniform was an odd mixture of extremely futuristic arcane. He was wearing boots that went halfway up his calves, and heavy leather pants were tucked into them. A separate chest plate, also of leather, covered his torso. He was wearing a shirt underneath the chest plate that ended in a turtleneck-like top which completely covered his neck. For some reason his arms were completely bare down to below his elbows where a pair of gauntlets started, covering his hands. Some gadgets were on the gloves, I could tell, though what they did I could not say. A belt with various pouches was around the waist. There were enough small lights that I could tell there was serious power behind the old-style look. The eeriest part was that it was all black, the deepest black I had ever seen.

His wrist stopped and slowly lowered. "All right, I'll bite." Even through the electronic filtering that his voice was going through I could tell that he was amused. "Why do I not want to contact the others?"

Surreptitiously I slipped the globe out of Caz's pocket. "Because of this!" In a smooth motion I flicked the globe just to his left, distracting him for only a moment, but a moment was long enough. His head moved that direction and at the same time Caz and I launched at him, covering the few feet before he could react. I hit him high and she hit him low. He went down like a sack of potatoes. I ripped off his helmet and punched him a couple of times, enough to knock him out. Quickly retrieving the globe we started running.

"Hey, stop!" I glanced behind me to see that the first three guys had come out. Putting on a burst of speed we headed around the corner of the building. I didn't know what to do now besides run. Suddenly another M.E.R.C. appeared in front of us, his weapon raised. We dived to the side, rolling through some bushes and coming out in the parking lot. The crackle of some high energy weapons was followed by a small explosion of dirt in the bushes, which quickly caught fire. Another shot rang out, hitting a car to our left."

I don't think they care if we come back alive," I gasped. Grabbing her arm I pulled her between a large truck and a white Firefly. I had noticed another M.E.R.C. at the other end of the parking lot. "I think they brought more than three guys."

She nodded, obviously having noticed the same thing. We were trapped.

I peeked around the bumper of the Firefly and noticed three M.E.R.C.s standing at the end of the row. They were putting together what looked like a large gun. A long tube was put together by threading one shorter tube onto another. It was mounted on a tripod. A blast shield was placed in front of the gunner's seat. Two metal pipes were inserted horizontally from the tube, just in front of the blast shield. Each tube ended in a padded square about two feet wide and four feet high. Two of the men seemed to hide behind these squares. A small slot on the blast shield opened. "Come out and you probably won't get hurt," came a voice. "If you don't come out, we'll blast you out...like this!" With that the gun swung around, aiming near our position, but not close enough to hit. The sound of a battery powering up could be heard. A sudden flash of light shot out of the tube, blinding me so I couldn't see what happened next. When my vision cleared, I could see that the loud crashing sounds I had heard had been a new Ford diesel truck being utterly destroyed. It was split in two, and those two pieces had flown through the air, landing on vehicles at opposite ends of the parking lot. "Whoops, forgot that it was on low mode. Next shot gets set onhigh."
I looked at Caz with despair. I couldn't see how we could get out of this. Except....

"I'd be more scared if you didn't look like you dressed in the dark. Is that what clowns look like in the future?" A few shots from the hand guns rang out, followed by another explosion from the gun. I glanced out and saw it had moved back a couple of feet. I understood what the squares were for - the gun had to be braced by the other two men.

"What are you doing?" Caz was still whispering, but she was doing it forcefully. I whispered in her ear for a moment and then looked at her in silence. She sighed. "This is the worst plan ever."

I shrugged. "It's also the only chance we have."

"But what if it doesn't work."

"Then we probably die. But if we don't try, then we definitely die." We stared at each other for a moment, and then she rolled her eyes."

I suppose we can't just keep throwing this stupid globe around." A small smile played around the edges of her lips, and her eyes danced with resigned glee. God she was pretty.

I banished the thought from my mind and took a deep breath. "Look," I shouted at the men in black. "I have plans tonight with your mom, so why don't we cut the chatter so I can make sure I'm not late. I'm going to go ahead and accept your surrender now."

An angry laugh answered my taunting. "I don't think you are in any position to be talking so tough, boy."

"Ooh, good comeback. You even used words with more than one syllable. I'd be more impressed but I find it hard to be scared pansies who are so insecure about their manhood that they need a large gun to compensate. I bet the women are all over you and your 'big gun', or do you have to give that back when you go off duty?"

Another pair of cars disintegrated in reply. I looked at Caz who merely raised her eyebrows and rolled her eyes.

"Look," I said, taking a deep breath. "We'll come out if you promise not to shoot."

Silence.

"I may even apologize about the gun remark."Finally an answer. "Come out slowly, hands where we can see them. I promise no harm will come to you.

"Raising our hands above our heads we slowly rose to our feet and stepped into the open. I glanced at Caz and nodded before looking at the barrel of the large gun facing me. A helmeted head peered around the blast shield. "Oh, silly me," came the voice. "I lied." The sound of the battery charging up came through the clear morning air loud and clear. My heart leapt in my throat.

Beside me I could feel Caz tense up. As the battery reached full charge, she yelled out "Now!

"Three things happened all at once: Caz and I dropped to our knees, our arms covering our heads; we each slapped the button on the recall device that we had each placed on our wrist; and the man behind the gun loosed the round that was meant to wipe us from the face of the earth. It sped towards us faster than I thought possible. Pain like I had never felt before enveloped me, drawing me into a weird sort of darkness, and then I knew no more.

Thunderfunk the Superchicken - Chapter 13

Foreign Lands

After an hour in the cab, Thunderfunk leaned forward and tapped the driver on the shoulder. "Excuse me sir. Do you actually know where you are going?" Once again, the cabbie bobbed his head, a large grin on his face. Another half hour and finally Thunder had had enough. Leaning forward again, he spoke in a clear, crisp voice. "Listen here. I have had enough of this tomfoolery. Either take us to the hotel, or pay the consequences!" Moments later, Thunder and Straw stood in silence on the street corner, watching the cab drive away.

Finally, Straw voiced his opinion. "I told you we should have found a cab driver that spoke English." He gathered up their luggage and started walking down the street.

Quickly Thunderfunk caught up to his companion. "I suppose you know where you’re going now do you," he growled, his voice full of menace. A glance around the area showed a complete lack of English signs, which was not a surprise, given that they were currently in Tokyo, Japan.

"Not really," came the ready reply, "but it can’t be any worse than where you ended up leading us." The sarcasm in his voice was light enough that it may have been imagined. He kept walking, ignoring the furious pecking that was raining down on his head. Once Thunder’s fury was abated, Straw asked a question that had been on his mind for at least the past two minutes. "I thought you said there would be dire consequences if we weren’t taken to the hotel. Usually that means you blow up their car, or ruin their credit rating, or force them to work for Microsoft. Y’know, something evil. Yet you let this guy drive away. Why?"

A quiet chuckle emerged from the giant chicken. "Well, my young protégé, his punishment was simple, but immediate. When we left the cab, I gave him exactly what we owed him, and not a yen more!"

"Oh, that’s cold."


Three hours later, a disheveled chicken stumbled into the Marriott hotel (motto: Conveniently less than five minutes from the airport!) and made his way to the check-in counter. "I’m here…" he gasped. "To check…." he moaned. "In…" he nearly collapsed on the counter.

Behind him, Straw strolled casually into the lobby, waving behind him as he came. "Thanks for the drink," he called out, holding up a Coke. "And for the advice. I will definitely try not to bite any wax tadpoles."

Thunder looked behind him and scowled before straightening himself up, smoothing his rumpled suit and adopting a properly haughty demeanour. "The name is Thunderfunk the Superchicken, and I have a reservation." He watched with growing agitation as the desk clerk, dressed impeccably in a navy blue three piece suit, started typing in his computer and making clucking noises with his tongue. "Are you mocking me?" he barked.

Startled, the man looked up. "No sir." He tapped a few more keys on his computer before shaking his head. "I am sorry sir," he said, his English only slightly accented. "I do not speak English. Please give me a moment and I will find someone to translate." He scurried away only to be replaced by another clerk dressed in the same outfit.

"Yes sir, how can I help such a distinguished guest?" The clerk was smaller than the last guy, but was nearly indistinguishable otherwise. It seemed that the hotel was using clones.

Thunder filed that information away for later exploration and made a second try to get his room. "Yes, I have a reservation. The name is Thunderfunk, the Superchicken."

Once again the clerk checked his computer before finally looking up with an apologetic face. "I’m sorry sir. We seem to have given your room to someone else." Noting the fury that was building in the chicken’s eyes, he hurried on. "When you did not arrive for your check in time, we assumed you were not going to make it."

Leaning forward, Thunder reached over the desk and picked the clerk up by the lapel of his jacket. "Listen to me, and listen closely." His voice was quiet and threatening. "I reserved a room. I was at the airport five hours ago. I am a very rich person. I want a room, and I want a room now. If I don’t get a room, then I will rain such horrors on your head that even your ancestors will feel the pain. Now go." Dropping the clerk, he turned and stalked past Straw Daq, growling out instructions: "Make sure that idiot gets us a room." Moments later he disappeared into the attached bar, probably to drown his angst in sake.

"Nice to see the travel hasn’t dampened his sunny disposition," muttered the pilot as he made his way to the desk. Sympathetically smiling at the clerk, he waited for the man to gather his wits about him again. "Hi," he started out, "I’m with the giant angry chicken. He’s just grumpy when he hasn’t eaten."

The clerk nodded slightly and then went about finding them a room. A couple minutes of searching produced a result. Twenty minutes later, Straw was trying to calm an enraged chicken as they viewed the room they had been given. Large, containing two bedrooms, a Jacuzzi in each room, and a monster living area, it was one of the nicest rooms Straw had ever seen. Something about it seemed to have upset his counterpart, who was in all of his raging glory. "I can’t believe they would do this to me," he lamented, stomping around the living room. "Don’t they know who I am? I am a very important guest, and very rich. My business is very important to them and this is how they treat me?" A sweep of the arm indicated the entire room. "Is this all that customer service means to them? Who’s running this place, a monkey?" An incoherent flurry of clucking erupted from the enraged fowl before he stood by the massive television, fuming.

Almost scared to ask, Straw ventured a question. "What exactly is wrong with this room?"

"Don’t you know anything?" snapped Thunderfunk. "These colours are all autumn colours, and I am so obviously a summer!"

Straw rolled his eyes. "Maybe we should concentrate on what we came for, namely stopping First Lieutenant Awesomepant’s plans."

"Right." Thunderfunk sat down on the couch and pulled out a cookie. "These things are delicious," he said almost dreamily as Straw set up their mobile work station. Soon he would stop this plan. After that, maybe he could get the recipe.