Thunderfunk the Superchicken - Chapter 18

I Don't Even Know How To Play Gin

Straw faked to his right and then dove to his left. The bull, trained by Ole! himself only missed his mark because he was laughing too hard to aim properly. Straw rose to his feet and dusted himself off. "I know, it was a weak move, but it’s been a long day."

The bull nodded appreciatively and then charged, accelerating to killing speed in the blink of an eye. His horns caught a bit of light and gleamed a deadly gleam. He lowered his head, squinting his eyes every so slightly to better hone in on his target. It was almost as though a bullseye was painted on this villain’s heart. With a roar of mad glee, the bull craned his neck, preparing to skewer his opponent.

This would be a good time to check on Thunderfunk the Superchicken. His battle with Ole!, the Spanish superhero was going well. Super speed was actually a relatively easy power to counter when one was a super genius, as Thunderfunk was. It was all about calculating probabilities and chance and simply sticking out a solid object. Invariably the speedster would run into the object. Usually their speed was almost faster than they could handle themselves, meaning straight lines were easy for them, but sudden cornering was much harder. The human brain, after all, was only meant to handle certain speeds, and anything beyond that was a struggle.

Ole! stood on a rock, his uniform torn and dirty, a few nasty bruises on his head and arms, and possibly his torso, though that was still mostly covered, and thus it was hard to tell. He had taken his lumps, but he had given them out as well. Thunderfunk was missing a few tufts of feathers here and there, and one eye had been blackened by sharp jab. They stood facing each other, breathing hard in the desert heat.

"You fight well, senor," said the Spanish hero. "But it is up to me to stop your evil ways."

"Pshaw," replied Thunder. "You are nothing but a pawn to that arrogant First Lieutenant Awesomepants."

"I don’ know what you are talking about," replied Ole!, though he sounded somewhat nervous. "I was merely resting here when you attacked me." He managed to sound affronted.

Thunder chuckled. "You cannot lie to me. I was monitoring the airwaves in this region, and we heard Awesomepants contact you. We were able to use the signal to locate you." Taking a small step forward, the giant chicken clucked sadly. "I hope you realise that this is just his attempt at a coup. After he rids the world of myself and my associate, he will turn on all of you, making you his slaves, except for those he kills outright." He stepped forward again, positioning himself for his next strike.

"That’s a lie," replied Ole! "He told me you would come with lies and try to trick me. But it won’ work."

"Of course he said that," Thunder said sympathetically. "It’s hard to betray someone if you don’t first gain their trust. Think about it for a moment. In your long and illustrious career, has First Lieutenant Awesomepants ever come to you for anything, or contacted you in any way?" He smiled inwardly at the look of anger and confusion that crossed the Spaniard’s face. "Of course not. Not until he needs to use you before tossing you away like a used hanky."

"NO!" Reaching behind his back, Ole! pulled out his cape and started waving it. "You canno’ tell me your lies. You will not tell me your lies." He waved the cape slowly, flapping it enticingly in front of the chicken’s face.

Despite his best efforts, Thunder felt himself slowly losing control of his mind, the hypnotic effect of the cape washing over him. He relaxed, losing himself in a dreamlike state.

Suddenly, both the Spaniard and the giant chicken looked over at their sidekicks. "Gin!" said Straw, slapping down his cards. The bull grunted in frustration began shuffling the cards while Straw wrote down the score. "I am totally beating you," gloated the young man. He backed down slightly and meekly accepted his cards when the giant beast snorted loudly in his direction. "I’m just sayin’ is all," he said softly. He looked over and caught Thunder’s eye. "Oh. Uh..frankly, it’s too hot to actually fight," he said apologetically. "This seemed easier."

"Lucy?" said the Spaniard. The bull looked sheepish, though whether it was because his partner had caught him playing cards, or because everyone now knew that his name was Lucy, it was hard to tell.

"You," said Thunder, reaching into his coat pocket, "are coming close to losing my confidence, Mr. Daq." He pulled out a gun and shot Ole! in the shoulder. The hero fell down, too surprised to even cry out in pain. Striding over, Thunder slapped a neural neutraliser onto the man’s head, watching it disappear as the previous one had. "Come," he said to Straw. "We must go." He left the hero to be rescued by his speedy bull. Or not. He was too hot to care.