Fools of us All - Chapter 19

Tears would come later, I knew, but for now I was too tired and angry to care. I almost let that anger drive me to a fatal mistake, but Spin was paying more attention and he grabbed my arm before I could stumble around the corner without checking. Voices drifted down the hall, at least four of them, likely drawn by the sound of the blaster. But they had learned caution at this point and were proceeding carefully. That left us time to duck back and make some plans of our own.

A few minutes later we stood out in the relatively fresh air, the rain falling down our faces and matching my mood exactly. I stared into the grey sky, letting the water run down my face. Why did you have to betray me like that? I had nothing until you gave me a purpose a showed me that there really was something worth living for. Now you had left me with nothing once again.

I was grateful for Spin’s silence. We walked for a couple of hours, dodging police cars and M.E.R.C. patrols. The rain finally let up, allowing the weak evening sun to break through, casting long shadows on the sidewalk.

I wasn’t even thinking, just walking to get away until the smell of smoke and charred flesh brought me back to my senses and showed that I had gone back to where it had all began. The remains of my old hideout stood before me. I couldn’t even begin to guess how long it had been since I had been here last, but there were no happy memories that remained. Only after twenty minutes of standing and staring did Spin’s gentle cough finally prompt me to action. With morbid curiosity I stepped through the door that was hanging askew from a single hinge, wrinkling my nose at the smell. A weak beam of light played across my body, the remnants of our weapons scan. I was heavily armed, but I knew that the automatic defences were no longer an issue so I just walked through the hole that used to be a door.

Inside there was nothing left. Computers laid smashed, desks were splintered, and bodies were strewn everywhere. A smoking crater was all that remained of Dun’s old office, the walls collapsed around it. I viewed it all with a stoic calm, too numb to feel anymore.

That’s what I thought, anyway. There was nothing left that could be of any use to us, but I couldn’t bring myself to leave. I just stood and stared, taking a step or two every once in a while before a new memory hit me, flooding my mind with images that should be merely sad but now had turned tragic. My breathing became laboured, but I didn’t notice. Or care. Another step forward and I tripped, landing hard on the ground. I looked up, only to be confronted by the seared body of Dar, and that was it. I let it all out then, crying tears for the dead, lamenting the hand that life had dealt me.

After what felt like a few hours of laying curled up on the floor and crying, the tears finally subsided. Moving awkwardly to a sitting position, I scooted myself over to where Spin was leaning against a wall, watching me with quiet concern. “Do you feel better now,” he asked quietly, the first words he had spoken to me in hours.

All I could do was nod mutely, but my life had been flipped upside down so many times in the last week that I knew I could make no solid promise the feeling better would last.