Thunderfunk the Superchicken - Chapter 16

It's Not Octopi, Apparently

Thunderfunk the Superchicken had faced many foes in his life. This was the first time he had been completely flummoxed though. Slowly he circled his opponent, Super Happy Go-Go Boots Joy, and did his best to ignore the loud crashes, angry curses, and occasional banana that came from Straw Daq’s battle with the octopus.

Clearing his throat, he began to taunt his foe. "You think you are able to defeat me," he said in a higher pitched voice than normal, "but I am the greatest. You cannot defeat me."

"But I must defeat you," replied the Japanese hero rapidly. "You are evil and good must always triumph."

"Ha-ha-ha-ha!" said Thunderfunk. He ran at the behemoth before him, shouting "Ancestor’s Candlewick Snuff-out Punch!" as he leapt into the air.

"Kick of a Thousand Tiny Papercuts!" replied his foe as he too leapt into the air. For nearly a minute the two of them flew towards each other, screaming, their mouths round and huge. At the last second, Thunder shook his head. What am I doing? he asked himself. I can’t match his strength. Also, ‘ha-ha-ha-ha’? Did I really say that? Furiously he flapped his wings a few times, giving himself just enough lift that Super Happy Go-Go Boots Joy passed underneath him. A giant question mark appeared above his head as he fell to the ground where he landed with a resounding crash. Thunder gently landed on an overturned car.

Before he could try and press his advantage, a black shape went soaring past him. A second later, the ink covered form of Straw Daq stalked by. "I hate cephalopods," he said darkly.

Despite feeling sympathetic, Thunder had his own battle to worry about. Hurrying forward, he found Super Happy rising shakily to his feet. With careful concentration, Thunder spoke. "This world you have created around you is fascinating," he said, fighting to keep his voice at its normal pitch and speed. "I must study it some day, when I have your brain in a jar."

"Huh?" said Super Happy. He turned and posed in a fighting stance.

"Oh no, good sir. I am not falling into a bout of fisticuffs." Straw found it easier to speak if he spoke like one who had lived a hundred years ago. "My strength lies not in the brawn of my arms...um...wings, but in the power of my brain." His foe shouted again and charged forward, but by concentrating, Thunder was able to avoid panicking and succumbing to the rules of this world. As the young Japanese man neared, he merely stepped aside, sticking out a foot to trip up the larger man. The resulting crash shook the buildings around them and plowed a furrow in the street. "I would thank you not to rumple my suit, dear fellow," called out Thunder. "It cost a pretty penny at the local haberdashery. A pretty penny indeed."

And thus the battle went. Slowly Thunderfunk was able to wear down his opponent until finally Super Happy Go-Go Boots Joy laid in the street, defeated. The world around them was returned to normal once again. Tokyo citizens looked on in stunned silence as the Superchicken strode over to where their hero lay, cackling evilly. "A mighty fine show, lad, but it should be manifestly clear that you were no match for me." Placing a foot on the Japanese symbol, Thunder leaned forward. "I could kill you right now, and I probably should." He enjoyed the moment of terror that passed through the young man’s eyes. "However, my associate has convinced me that on this day it would be better to spare your life. But since I cannot have you roaming free to try and thwart me again..." Suddenly he pulled a small device out of his suit and slammed it into Super Happy’s head, causing it to bounce painfully against the broken pavement. As the young man lapsed into unconsciousness, Thunder chuckled malevolently. "A little something I whipped up. You shall awake with a headache and the inability to use your powers." Before his eyes, the device seemed to sink into the head, disappearing from sight completely. "And you will not even know why."

With that, Thunder strode away purposefully. He was joined by Straw moments later. Still covered in ink, the young man was also sporting a banana in each ear, and the remnants of many more were stuck to his body. "Not a word," he said emphatically. "Not a single word."