Thunderfunk the Superchicken - Chapter 39

Behind The Scenes

Many hours later, Straw swung his feet around and sat on the edge of his bed, rubbing the sleep from his eyes. Two more bus drivers, one with his hat stuck firmly on his head, were laying on the floor, bound and gagged. “Sorry guys,” he said sympathetically, stepping over their prone bodies, doing his best to avoid their pleading eyes, “but he’s my boss...” With an apologetic shrug, he stepped into the hall. Seconds later he returned to his room and hastily threw on some clothing.

Running through the halls he finally made his way to the secret lair, skidding to a halt at the computer screens. Leaning forward, he breathed heavily. “Either this house is too big,” he panted, “or I need to lay off the nachos.”

“I would say it is the latter,” said Thunderfunk the Superchicken as he swivelled his chair
around to face his young pilot.

“Geez!” said Straw. “Don’t do that. You nearly gave me a heart attack.”

“You’ll be happy to report that the plan is well underway. I am just editing the ransom video now.” He turned back to his work. Straw glanced up at the giant screen. Thunderfunk’s face was stopped mid-word, his eyes half closed, proving once again that it was possible to make anyone look like a doofus if the tape is stopped at the right place.

The video began again. “...and upon the payment of the random...shoot. I’m going again. In three, two, one...Good evening people of our fair city. I understand that today was somewhat of a frustrating day for many of you. Perhaps you will rest easier knowing that there are those who are having a much worse day than you. In fact, our mayor may have some thoughts about that.” Thunder rose from his seat and walked to the camera, disappearing from view. Seconds later the shot slowly began to pan. “It is much harder to record these things by oneself,” whispered Thunder as he made notes. The mayor appeared, handcuffed to a chair with a sock stuffed in his mouth and a giant moustache drawn on him in sharpie. From off screen Thunder’s voice continued. “I have captured your mayor and am willing to return him for the princely sum of one billion dollars. Actually, I would prefer one billion and four dollars so that I can purchase a pair of slurpees.” The camera returned to its previous position and Thunder returned to his seat. “And upon the payment of the ransom...”

Straw tuned out the speech, knowing the basics of it without needing to know the details. He walked to the railing that ran around the edge of the computer platform. The room was packed with kidnapped bus drivers, all of them laying extremely quiet and extremely motionless. “Thunder...?” said Straw.

“Oh relax, I just gave them all a mild sedative. It will wear off eventually.”

“Mild?”

“If you’re an elephant. An extremely hyper elephant. Oh wait, what is that? Did that pen move? Who’s in charge of continuity on this thing?” He scribbled more notes furiously.

Noticing the mayor still handcuffed to his chair, Straw headed down and removed the sock from the man’s mouth. “Sorry your honour,” he said. “He’s been in a bit of a funk lately.”

The mayor looked up at the screen. “Hey, it’s the price a mayor has to pay when he allows megalomaniacs to live in his town. But tell me the truth, did I convey the proper sense of fear and concern? I had one take where I really nailed it, but I think he stumbled a bit, so he may not use it.”

“Don’t worry about that, sir. Thunder is quite good at editing these videos. Remember the whole senator incident? I barely had anything to do with that one beyond operating the camera. I swear we did forty takes before he was satisfied with his performance. I thought he was crazy, but it turns out he was...right...” Briefly, Straw wondered what had happened in his life that he could so casually talk about the many kidnappings and extortion schemes in which he had been involved.

Looking down at the mayor, he shrugged to himself. “Meh, beats being a dentist.” With that he stuffed the sock back in the mayor’s mouth and headed up to the computer platform, already planning on the graphics he might add to spice up the video.